My story

As discussed previously, we often talk about the journey in terms of what we did (action) rather than what we experienced (emotions) or discovered (learning and consciousness). What I will do here is express all these factors, as they all matter.

But first some context about who I am.

I am a 43 yr old woman, mother (2 adult children), and wife. In terms of my personality, I am driven to know things, so I’m constantly learning. I’m a creative, and genuinely positive person. But emotionally and psychologically I have struggled at times.

I have autonomic dysfunction and joint hypermobility syndrome. Both impact my ability and need to exercise.

Like many people I went from being a relatively active teenager, to being a sedentary adult. The weight crept on, I had babies, the weight increased again, and my health declined. But I wasn’t BIG, and my fat gain wasn’t all that noticeable to others. It was effectively hidden by my hourglass shape. Sure, my BMI wasn’t ideal, but it also wasn’t disastrous. My husband was experiencing his own weight gain, and soon decided he wanted to make a change. It was the addition of Body composition scales to our household that brought a bit more truth to the situation, even if I wasn’t ready to accept it. The body fat scales indicated I was in a worse state than my BMI would have me believe. But I was in denial. Everyone was telling me I was fine just as I was. Except my husband, who was starting to show concern for my health. But I listened to the majority as I had blinders on, and the majority must be right, right? Occassionally I would exercise, but due to my hypermobility this would often end in injury and pain. I still wasn’t convinced I really needed to do it anyway, so I would quit.

During this time I experienced many self-limiting beliefs and excuses

• It was too hard
• it was too painful
• I didn’t really ‘need’ to lose weight
• People want me to change, so I wont
• I have no time
• I have no money
• It’s inevitable that I will gain weight
• It’s my genetics
• It doesn’t really matter if I get fat
• I’m not as fat as other people so it doesn’t matter
• The big one “It’s impossible”

In hindsight I can see how all these things held me back and the alternative response to these

• It was too hard – It got harder not losing weight
• it was too painful – inactivity made pain worse, and each extra kilo added to joint pain
• I didn’t really ‘need’ to lose weight – I did ‘need’ to
• People want me to change, so I wont – I thought people wanted me to and my stubbornness hurt me
• I have no time – There is so much time
• I have no money – You don’t need money
• It’s inevitable that I will gain weight – It isn’t but believing this is a self-fulfilling prophecy
• It’s my genetics – Genetics plays only a small role
• It doesn’t really matter if I get fat – It mattered hugely to my health
• I’m not as fat as other people so it doesn’t matter – comparisons to unhealthy norms are stupid
• It’s impossible – It was absolutely possible

A series of fortunate events

Over the past 10 years, many of these beliefs started to be disproven by life events. Our experience shapes our narrative and by dismantling self defeating beliefs either subconsciously or consciously, this is where the shift happens, and then we move into an action phase that leads to success. So many people boil success down to their actions, when in fact it’s what comes before that and during in the mind that is most important.

In February 2022, I started to develop knee pain, that was ‘unacceptable’ to me. I had to fix it because I wasn’t going to live this way. This motivating point was a good start, but it was other events unrelated to my weight that broke down the most significant limiting belief I had.

“It’s impossible”

In April 2022 I was offered a lecturing position. I did not ask for this job, and for little old me with a fear of public speaking, it was terrifying. But I needed money, so I said yes. I was so petrified that I wanted to run away, I wanted to quit, I had panic attacks – but I did it, I persevered and I succeeded. It was impossible to do such a thing, but I did it. this meant that things that were impossible, could be possible. Also, if I could teach, what else could I do? Many things became possible.

I didn’t realise it for a long while but this subconscious switch played a huge role in my success.

With each kilo that I lost I continued to disprove the narrative that it was impossible. It was all feeling very possible and I was no longer struggling against myself.

Read more of my discoveries

Facts over feelings

Another switch that occurred was a focus on facts.

• I was obese
• My body hurt and it was getting worse
• I didn’t like how I looked and I accepted that
• I needed to lose weight for health

Focusing on facts meant I could be defiant against the noise

• People who said I didn’t need to lose weight
  • I showed them my data to show the health need
  • and later when I cared less about what they thought, I said I actually don’t like how I look, and I don’t need your opinion
• I talked about how I felt and what I could do since losing weight- eg, long walks, less pain, sleep better, better mental health – the realities of the benefits, rather than just the physical transformation
• The noise in my own head, any doubts or excuses
• Insecurities and perceived views of others